I’ve just returned from a couple of weeks on the road for work and therefore have spent a lot of time listening to podcasts. In fact, it’s inspired me to start my own.
One of my very favorites is Tony Robbins’ podcast. Now, I’m sort of embarrassed about my love for Tony Robbins. On the one hand, I think he’s incredibly wise and insightful. On the other hand, there is something a bit cheesy about him and his approach. Side note: I once attended one of his talks at a conference and I was like, “No way am I going to be up there dancing around, hugging strangers.” Guess what I found myself doing? Yup, dancing around and hugging strangers.
Anyway, I just listened to a recent one they put up and he asked a woman in his audience, “Of your parents, whose love did you crave and who did you have to be to get it?” Understanding that is the key to understanding yourself, your actions, behaviors and ways that you’ve organized and filtered the world. When I thought about that question, I felt like a goldfish who just realized that she’s in a bowl. Like, WHAAA?
All of a sudden, I had a clear flash about my own motivations, my life and why I did the things I did. I understood that I craved my mother’s love the most and who I had to be to get it was to be independent, super-competent and bullet-proof. I could handle anything. I got affirmation and approval for just taking care of myself and my brothers. I was not sensitive or vulnerable–I was hard-charging and tough.
My sense of self and responsibility therefore unconsciously dictated the choices I made for myself. I chose to leave for boardingschool at 13 totally on my own, I chose to live in France for a year at the age of 16 without having ever left the country and not speaking the language. I’ve moved coasts and cities. I’ve taken on jobs that required me to be in charge and caretake hundreds of people. I have no regrets about the choices I’ve made in my life, but if I had been more aware of this underlying pattern, I think I could have been gentler with myself. I could have been more accepting of my fears, my sensitivities or awareness about taking on responsibility that I might not have wanted to take on. And, at some point, the way that I’ve organized my world is no longer serving me the way that I want it to.So, readers, I offer this question up to you as it’s really made me reflect on my life and my choices.Whose love did you crave and who did you have to be to get it? And how did that identity shape your life, consciously or unconsciously?
