I recently saw a talk that showed the way to increase influence is to recognize the difference between what you want to say and what the other person needs to hear.
For example:
Your partner complains, “You NEVER do the dishes.”
In that moment, you can react emotionally with a quick retort with what you want to say (“Well, you NEVER clean the bathroom.”) The quick fix feels good, but will likely land you in a fight. Was that two seconds worth it?
Instead, by taking a breath and choosing to respond with a different answer, (i.e. “Interesting” or “Tell me more about that,”) you give yourself time to quiet your lizard brain and understand what they might need to hear.
It might be something like, “It seems like you’re frustrated,” or “I never do the dishes?” or “I appreciate when you do the dishes and I can help out more.” Or, “Darling, you are 100% right and I vow to do all the dishes forevermore.” (*cough* Mr. Rhea Wong read this *cough*)
What does this have to do with fundraising?
I am on a one-woman mission to eradicate “pitching” from our fundraising lexicon. Pitching is all about what you want to say and does not take into account what your donor needs to hear.
We try to anticipate all of the points of interest, we jam numbers and pretty infographics into a presentation. But, what we haven’t done is engage our listener into a conversation.
What do they need to hear? What do they want to know? What do they care about?
It’s hard to know when you’re rolling through a monologue, aided by a fancy powerpoint.
Instead of thinking of meetings like a baseball game where you’re winding up a pitch to throw down the middle, think of it like a tennis game where you’re volleying, engaging and connecting.
The conversation is where the connection happens.
So, dear readers, in your next conversation or next meeting, try to think about what your listener needs to hear rather than what you want to say.
And, please, put away the presentation decks.
PS: Send me a note to let me know what you think. Does this resonate with you? Is this something you needed to hear (versus what I wanted to say)?
