A friend of mine recently shared this article with me about people who are Askers vs. Guessers and it kind of blew my mind.
Basically, there are two kinds of people in the world: Askers and Guessers. Askers are people who ask for things (favors, promotions, etc) with the full understanding that they may get turned down. Guessers are people who only ask AFTER they have put out feelers, and subtly sown seeds and, in the best cases for them, don’t even need to ask because their subtle sleight of hand will result in an offer.
The problem is when Ask Culture meets Guess Culture. For example, if I’m an Asker and I ask someone for a favor and they are Guess Culture, they may feel put upon and awkward about saying no and feel that I am presumptuous for asking. As an Asker, I’m unaware of all of the psychodrama on the part of my Guess Culture friend and fine with a yes or a no.
Whew.
I believe that women are socialized to be Guessers. We’re taught to read subtext and clues and socialized to believe that direct asks are unseemly. Given that the fundraising field is 80% women, there is a strong Guess culture built into fundraising and how and when we ask.
However, most people that we raise money from are generally more Ask culture. For example, I have raised money from very successful individuals from finance and law backgrounds for whom there was no patience for subtext or subtlety. Say what you need to say and make it quick!
I offer this perspective to you, my fundraising friends, in order for you to think about how your orientation to Ask vs. Guess culture might be impacting your fundraising.
Are you a Guesser interacting with an Asker? They might just be finding you opaque, confusing and passive aggressive.
Are you an Asker interacting with a Guesser? They might find you presumptuous, too direct and possibly rude.
The truly artful fundraiser is able to flex their style to match their donors’. And, please, don’t let your own baggage interfere with your fundraising.
PS: Does this resonate with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts and whether you are an Asker or a Guesser.
