“I believe that love is better than hate. And that there is more nobility in building a chicken coop than in destroying a cathedral.”
― Bette Greene, Summer of My German Soldier
In my 20s, I was all for taking down The Man. I earned my lefty stripes, worked for Mother Jones and the San Francisco Bay Guardian, marched against war and wrote articles for would-be anarchists. I loved a demonstration, chanting with a fist held high.
I realize that 20-year-old Rhea might be horribly disappointed in 42-year-old Rhea.
So, what happened?
It’s not that I am any less convinced about fighting for justice and equality. It’s not that I’m any less committed to calling out and dismantling white supremacy, racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia etc.
The change is that I don’t want to burn things down anymore, including my own energy.
I found that fighting reality was exhausting and counter-productive.
20-year-old me thought that we should not live in a capitalist society; that all people should be provided for; that we should all live in perfect utopian harmony; that nobody should control a disproportionate amount of wealth; that nonprofits shouldn’t have to exist in a perfect world.
I ended up shoulding all over myself.
With a nod to Tara Brach, I started to practice Radical Acceptance. I could have a vision of the world that I thought should exist. And by accepting that it does not exist yet, I could run the marathon and not the sprint.
Radical acceptance does not mean accepting inequality. It means accepting that it does exist and choosing to make decisions from a place of calm responsiveness, not frenetic reactivity.
I think we need all the things: the idealistic impatience of the young, the hard-won wisdom of the elders, the doers, the dreamers, the visionaries and the pragmatists. None of us is getting out of here alive so we might as well make the best of the time that we have.
For me, that means building bridges, experiencing joy, accepting that which I cannot change (including other people’s opinions) and finding peace.
