Ask and you shall receive! Making big fundraising asks doesn’t have to feel scary or daunting. My brilliant guest Laura Fredricks shares her golden rules for powering through the fear of asking and inspiring donors to take action.
Laura is a best-selling author and fundraising guru who helps organizations bring in the big bucks. As CEO and founder of The Ask, she’s worked with over 100 nonprofits and raised over $100 million. Her new book Hard Asks Made Easy offers a practical guide to conquering your fear of “the ask.”
In our conversation, Laura breaks down the art and science behind making compelling asks. Her 5P framework – incorporating purpose, pride, persistence, practice and pause – provides the perfect recipe for fundraising success. Laura’s tips on shaping the ask, from identifying potential donors to crafting the pitch, are invaluable for nonprofits seeking to level up their fundraising strategy.
The key is matching the ask to the individual while leading with authenticity. As Laura says, “The warmth in your tone, the presence of your style will invite the person to want to do what you’re gonna ask.” Her advice has taken the fear out of fundraising for organizations worldwide. Now it’s your turn – listen up and start asking!
Laura’s books helped me understand my personal asking style and the psychology of making the ask so that I could be confident and fearless in fundraising.
Important Links:
Get Laura’s Book – Hard Asks Made Easy:https://www.amazon.com/Hard-Asks-Made-Easy-Exactly/dp/1642257079
Contact Laura: https://laurafredricks.com/
Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/nonprofitlowdown/support
Episode Transcript
RHEA 0:00
Welcome to Nonprofit Lowdown. I’m your host, Rhea Wong.
Hey podcast listeners, Rhea Wong with you once again with Nonprofit Lowdown.
Today I’m with a repeat guest, one of my personal faves. Laura, you don’t know this, but you’re one of the top episodes I’ve ever done. My friend and expert, Laura Fredericks, she is the founder and c e o of the Ask.
And today we are speaking about her new book, hard Asks, made Easy. Welcome to the show, Laura, or I should say welcome back to the show.
Since we last spoke, you have published yet another book, hard asks Made Easy.
But before we go down that path, ’cause there’s so much I wanna unpack there, particularly the asking style. That was so fun. A bit about yourself and your background for those of us who are new to your universe and in particular, your experience in nonprofit, which is so impressive.
LAURA 0:55
Thank you. We all have journeys that get us there.
I started as a journalist, you may not know this with Newsweek magazine. I did not know this. I wanted to do communication law, so I went to law school and I was on the track to do that, but I got sidetracked because I got the job with the F C, the job you want. And then of course with deregulation, the last 50 hires got slashed.
So I had a reroute, which we all do. But anyway I wound up in a fabulous job working with the attorney general’s office in Philadelphia doing civil litigation. And so this gets into fundraising, my friends. So hang in there. Anytime someone sued the state or the state office or a state officer, six of us across all of Pennsylvania would represent.
So I actually began my asking skills on cross-examination because I found out, in hindsight, looking back, I won a lot of cases on cross-examination ’cause we asked the right questions and were quiet. From there the Bar Association had a foundation that raised and distributed money to community legal services.
And that’s how I got to fundraising, not knowing a thing. So like many of the people who listen to your podcast or wanna break into the fundraising world, I went to University of Pennsylvania, got my certification, and immediately joined the Association of Fundraising Professionals and it took off. From there, I went to Borah Heart and lung.
We started raising money, and then I went to Temple University. We did their $300 million campaign. But all along now I’m beginning to write books on how to ask because something that was seemingly okay, I can’t say easy, but it was just left on the ground for people luck, chance and time. Whenever I see a problem, I create structure.
So that’s why I put structure into the ask. And I went to Pace University and we did their campaign and I’m still writing books and I thought, you know what? This is what I wanna do. So I spun off on my own. I have my own consulting, so I do speaking, training, consulting, and very exciting. Every three years I’ve got to write a book.
It’s just in me. I can’t live besides myself. So this is my seventh book and the one I am most proud of,
RHEA 3:07
I read it. I love it. I love it. And you know what I love about it is it’s so actionable because when I was writing my book, I. I read all the nonprofit books as I’m sure you have, and they’re so dry and I would read them.
I’m like, I don’t know what to do now. And I love your books because it’s very say this, do this. You’re like, okay, I can do that. But before we jump into the book, which I’m dying to do, why is it do you think that people get so weird about the ask? Because I find that in my work too it’s so emotionally laden.
People get so nervous about it and yet, Without the ask, you don’t get the result. So why do people get so hemmed up?
LAURA 3:43
You know this because you’re the expert in this field too, and that is, I think in two things. Number one, I think that the number one reason why people don’t ask, They’re afraid
they will hear an answer they will not know how to respond to. That gets into overthinking it. If I say, wow I’m thinking of switching careers and I have a friend who can help me, but that might jeopardize a friendship and do they really know this area well? And maybe they, and look at what’s going on.
And that’s really what pulls people back and back. And they think you know what, if I talk to enough people, it’ll happen if I sit tight. You, the gods will be with me. It’ll happen or you know it. Next year is good. We’re almost, we’re in the summer. There’s no one around the summer. I don’t know.
You’re around. I’m around. There’s no one around in the summer. Don’t do it. So you see where we’re spiraling and so that’s why I think it’s not hearing No. We hear no all the time. You hear no, probably five times a day. It’s not fear of rejection. Yes, it hurts when you don’t get what you want. Normally you’re not getting it ’cause you didn’t ask for it and you internalize it and you think you heard no.
And you never did.
RHEA 4:48
Okay. Wait, this is like a personal pet peeve. I’m wondering what you think. I’m on LinkedIn. Like you’re on LinkedIn and sometimes I see so-called fundraising experts say if you do it right, you don’t even have to do the ask. I’m like, whatcha talking about?
LAURA 5:00
Oh, I take them on and I want you to take them on too.
You’ve got to take them on and just say I don’t think so.
RHEA 5:08
Yeah. Someone’s just gonna magically intuit into the thing that you might want them to do. It’s come on, people what world do you live in? And maybe just outside of New York, I don’t know. But I’m like, you gotta ask
LAURA 5:19
this happened, someone posted something about board members and their job is big and if they don’t ask, it’s okay.
We’ll, and I’m like whoa. Stop. Your job is to be fiscally the overseer for this organization, and that requires you to at least help get the money.
RHEA 5:38
say that we get to the point where we do the ask, what characterizes a good ask versus a bad ask, because I think we’ve also seen a lot of bad asks out there.
LAURA 5:47
One word, and you know this better than anyone, preparation. It’s all it takes. You’ve got to prepare. You can’t just wake up, look good, get dressed like the both of us did and say we’re gonna wing it and this is gonna happen. You have to know the person. You have to know what you want. You have to be specific.
And then the balance of the conversation has to be 75, 25. You talk 25, they talk 75. If you can just get that basic, you’ll be okay. How many times do we work with people? We have clients on and on, and you’re like, please don’t go in the room yet. Please don’t make that phone call yet. Please don’t sit next to someone in a top dinner and not know and not be prepared.
’cause someone’s gonna turn to you and say, here we go. What do you need? What can I do? How can I help? And you won’t go. That’s your sign to say, ah, You asked me, this is our top funding priority. Can we talk about it?
RHEA 6:39
How do you know when the right time is to ask?
Because I think a lot of times, and in my experience, people wait too long to ask, but there can be such a thing as a premature ask, when is the right time
LAURA 6:49
when your instinct tells you? Number one. Number two, when you hear what do you need? How can I do, what can I, that is the time to go. All you have to do is step back and say, since you asked me, this is what we need.
Is this something that interests you? And now we’re talking. Okay. It’s not even an ask, it’s a conversation. So everyone can lower the temperature, lower your shoulders, relax. Let’s just talk about it. So that’s the second. And the third is, if you have some urgent need, I. You have to ask. I just did this with a client this week.
They had a lot of damage from the reigns we’ve been having. And they’re not up to speed. And I’m like we have to go to our top three funders and say we need this amount of money to get us back to where we were. I said, no, there’s no waiting. There’s an urgent need. We saw that out of Covid.
March 20th to September 20th. The outpouring of money at a time when we generally don’t get money came why there was an urgent need.
RHEA 7:52
If you feel nervous about the ask, you’re going to do everything that you can to make it less uncomfortable for you, which includes doing it via email or doing it via text.
Talk to us about why it’s important to do this in person.
LAURA 8:05
It is, but let’s take a step back. I learned a great deal that certain people, Rhea, want it in a text. They want it in a letter. So my thing is, when you’re getting to know a person or you’ve met them once or twice, say, what is the best way for me to communicate with you?
And that’s number one. Number two, when I have something very important to discuss, what is the best way you want it? Okay. And it changes. So you can’t say, oh, we’ve been writing writing. Now I’m gonna pick up the phone. They’re miraculously gonna get on the phone. So ask them which way they want.
Because if you ask me after five o’clock, I don’t do this through Zoom, just call me. ’cause I just wanna chill. And that helps my central nervous system and Laura’s a very happy person. So ask them. That’s number one. And then number two is whatever mode it is, just keep it short as authors.
This pains us. People don’t read. They do not read. So keep it short and just keep getting feedback from them. And that’s the biggest advice I can give.
RHEA 9:09
As I was reading your book it, the one thing that I just loved so much was how you talk about staying present. ’cause I think the mistake that I see with fundraisers or people in general is that they have their own agenda, right?
And they’re just like running through this thing and they’re not actually listening. And I say this a lot, which is. It took me five years of having a podcast to learn how to listen to people. How would you recommend that people turn down the volume on this stuff in their head to actually be present in a conversation?
LAURA 9:37
We should have all learned this over three years doing this through Zoom. Okay. If you notice there’s nothing here. This isn’t on, I turn all my phones off. We live in New York, right? The windows are shut, the doors are shut. Nothing can exist, but the person in front of you, it’s as simple as that.
That’s number one. And the other thing is, I just call it listen with presence. If you notice I’m standing up, my voice feels good. It’s an important moment that has a whole overlay of you are the most important person in the world.
And again, I come back to my 25 75, listen to them. The only way you’re gonna listen is by ending everything in a question. Tell me more. Did I get this right? I think I heard. Would you also be, there’s four great easy questions you can end on.
RHEA 10:29
You are a prolific author. Why this book? How is this book different than the other ones that you’ve written?
LAURA 10:34
I wrote this because during Covid, people came to me with excruciating asks and not what you think.
How do I leave my husband? How do I kick my kids outta the house? How do I tell my boss? I’m not coming in. How do I tell my parents I can’t take care of you anymore? think about it. Everything stripped away and all we had to do was think of ourselves and our loved ones. What you wanted and didn’t want came to the forefront.
The title came immediately to me, and then I thought, I’ve never done this before. I need a writing coach. This book, I had a writing coach and I think this book for me is dramatically different just from the get go. Think about this Rhea. I have never been on the cover of any of my books.
So the hardest thing for me was getting the photo. And I said, why? And they’re like, if you’ve got this voice, people have to know who you are. And I was like, okay. And then the second point was, This was my writing coach said this to me and it’s a good tip. ’cause you write books too.
Why do you think she read all my books that you see over there? Why haven’t I heard about you? Why don’t more people know about you? And I’m like, because when I stand up and speak or do a training, on and on, people say, Laura, we love what you have to say. We love your tips, but here it is, we’re not you.
And I thought, whoa. My writing coach said, you need to put you in this book. And I have never given examples of me other than the typical I met this person here. We did, we raise money. The first chapter is the ask. You always had it in you beginning a childhood, how you relentlessly asked for things. So I’m not giving you something, I’m taking it out of you.
And we all start in the same playing field. The second chapter, okay, what’s our baseline? And the baseline is take the quiz and see which of the four askers you are. And there’s only four types. So now we have a baseline and now we can go forward giving you steps on what to do.
So that is the reason I wrote the book, and that is the reason. This is so different from my other books.
RHEA 12:49
Yeah. I’m so glad that you said that about our post pandemic world and the game has changed, right? Like the, something has shifted in the universe. It just feels I don’t know, like our tolerance are bullshit has really
LAURA 13:01
declined.
People know exactly what they want, what they don’t, and everyone out there listening to the, you’ve gotta be ready on the spot. The first time you meet someone say, what’s this all about? Because no one wants to waste time anymore.
RHEA 13:16
I know. And I see this with my clients as well, that I coach like the old school method of then we go out for a million coffees and then we like do the site visit.
I’m like, nobody wants to do that. Nobody wants to meet you for coffee. Nobody wants to read your perspective. Let’s get right down to it. What do you want and how can I deliver it for you? Exactly. Tell us some of your favorite tips for folks who are listening, who are, because I think that the crazy thing about our sector, and I’m sure you would agree, is we put people in these roles of having to do very important things, resourcing, super important work in the world with no training.
No capacity, no professional development. And high goals. High stakes. People’s lives are at play here. So if I’m listening to you, I’m like, okay, Laura, help me. What are some of the top things I can do to be a better asker right now?
LAURA 14:10
We’re gonna start with the absolute favorite of mine, which I refine the five laws of asking.
They’re not rules, they’re not guidelines, they’re laws. I can say that I’m a lawyer. It’s a law. Yeah.
It’s a lot. It’s because it has strength and it works no matter where you are. If you’re just starting at the annual fund, if now you’re in charge of a big campaign, let’s say you do both and then they throw stewardship over you.
Okay? It can be daunting. So here we go. Anytime you need something, whether to ask someone to chair a committee, ask someone to be on your board, ask your boss for something. Really just not just a raise, just I need some help here. I really don’t know how to go after this project you just told me to do.
Okay. First I. It’s gonna go through these very quickly. ’cause you could read ’em in the book, know exactly what you want with numbers and dates. Don’t say, I’m thinking we should expand the board. What does that mean? Do you need three people by December 31st? See the difference? Okay, that’s number one.
RHEA 15:13
support our cause. I’m like, what does that mean? Okay, anyway.
LAURA 15:16
Exactly. It’s gonna no or no. No matter is we need more volunteers. What does that mean? Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Who are they? How many, what are they gonna do and who’s gonna supervise them? That’s number one. Exactly what you want.
Numbers and dates, number two. And you and I are journalists. We can do this or I’ll let you slide. Type here, 15 things you think the person’s gonna say. So if you just want to ask your boss for let’s say extra help or even a part-time admin, come on. We’re hearing this so much that is that the oldest Ask Heaven ever created and it’s still out there, I need support.
You need an admin. 20 hours a week just to do these reports and to enter things in our database. Now, wouldn’t that relieve you? Okay, so let’s write down 15 things your boss is gonna say. Not in the budget. No one else has an admin. We’ve been doing fine. Oh, ask, you know your coworker, I’m sure he’ll pitch in, write it.
And then the 15 things you’ll say Back, we tried that before it didn’t work. This’ll help our efficiency, blah, blah, blah. Okay. 15 things. They’re gonna say 15 things. And then beauty of this is you just keep the list. If you are 16, that becomes number 16. I. We do that. ’cause that goes into number three, deliver with confidence.
And this is this law. Everyone skips. I got this one. It’s good. I’m feeling good. I got dressed. It’s a sunny day and it’s oh no. We’re back to listening. With presence, be the part, your tone is as important as your words, so watch your tone. Don’t be over aggressive, under aggressive. Deliver with confidence.
Law number four, personal favorite of Laura’s. Clarify what you think. You heard. Now you’re preparing and you are going to jump into assumption land that the person is going to say this and it’s ingrained in you. And if the person just says that’s a pretty good idea. Where do you take that?
Or, that sounds good to me. Is that a yes? Is that a maybe? Does that sound pleasing to you? But going nowhere, clarify what you think you heard by asking good questions. Just say, you know what? Super, we’re on the same page. How can we both make this forward? Do I have clearance in the budget? There we go. Same runway. Okay, and the last one is plan your next move while you’re talking. Don’t sit there and say, this has been great. I’ll circle back and then three weeks are gone and your boss is gonna be, we talked about what, so those are the five laws for anything you want. Biggest piece of advice
RHEA 17:53
One question I get Parentally, and I’m sure you get it too, is if I’m a fundraiser and I’m approaching a prospect, how do I know what to ask for? I have an answer, but I’d be curious. But what do you say to them?
LAURA 18:05
Honesty wins the day. Say, this is great to meet you. I’m sure there’s questions I should be asking you.
Before I do, what questions do you have of me? Because the questions I ask of you are gonna steer the questions you’re gonna ask of them.
RHEA 18:18
So good. It’s like a little juujitsu there. How did you come up with the different types of asking?
LAURA 18:23
I really looked over 30 years of doing this.
And I said, you know what? They really fall into these four areas. But the thing I like the best is they all have advantages, which are in the book. They all have challenges in the book, but they all have ways to go forward.
And so I’m finding people get surprised at who they are and then they’re like, yeah, I guess that’s me. But I want them to know because if I guide them and help them and give their laws to do something and they think they’re this, all that’s not gonna matter because you really have to get back, surprise, surprise, I’m the negotiator, right? But then I have to be better at listening. And better at picking every single word. So I know we can negotiate this to a close. We have lots of empathizers because we put ourselves in the shoes of the other person.
And that’s why half the people get into this field is because they feel the cause, they feel the mission, but they’re feeling it so much that they feel themselves out of asking.
RHEA 19:27
Yeah, I was reading it. I was like, oh yeah, negotiator right here. I’m like,
LAURA 19:32
okay, lemme I would be stunned if you were something else but as you read it, there’s ways for us to improve.
There are always ways for us to improve. Always ways. Always
RHEA 19:41
Okay. Let’s get into some juicy details. Laura. What is the best ask you’ve ever made, and what is an ask that didn’t go the way that you wanted it to go?
LAURA 19:51
I still think the best ask. I ever did was I was with the president of Pace University and this was right after nine 11 and we wanted to raise a hundred million dollars and of course we stopped for a year, checked in with everybody, it was 2002.
So we go back and there was one very prominent alum. That we knew if he could give a very significant gift, this campaign would be set. Because everybody would always say, what is he doing? We practice practice. And he was on our campaign committee so he knew what we were doing. That made it a little bit easier.
We sit down and the president, we scripted it. But I had a feeling, he’s very nervous too. Someone had to get. A $15 million ask out. And so I said, thank you for your time. As the entire university is looking to you to make this very significant $15 million gift.
Can you do this now? How can we help you make this gift? And he said, typical. I have to think about it. Now I did what I tell everybody not to do, and that is, oh, that’s great. We realize it’s a large amount, and he stopped me right there, sliced me like a knife. I didn’t say that, Laura.
What I said is I have to think about it because I need to know how much I can do outright and how much I can do through my will. Now did I learn the biggest rule, the biggest law, number four. And he turned out later and he wanted to do scholarships. And then he called me, he said, what is the biggest individual gift you’ve ever received for endowed scholarship fund?
And so I told him. And so he wound up doing $10 million for endowed scholarships. And the rest was in as well. So that was like at the time, people are doing now billion, trillion dollar campaigns. But at the time that was my biggest monetary ask. And I share that because I learned I did it wrong.
I made the assumption and I’ll never do it again.
RHEA 22:06
What about something that went sideways? ’cause I think we can all. Relate to things that just went sideways that you thought, but it
LAURA 22:12
go one way. It did. It did. Yeah. We I have in the book Trust Your Instincts or Your Lose.
I was with a dean and we were going to meet a woman who wanted to do a very large gift for the business school. We had the agreement. She had read the agreement, she had read the amount she had read, the timing, she had read the purpose. All we had to do was go to her condo, sign it, and bring Prosecco.
Okay, we’re in the elevator. He takes the agreement, crosses out the amount, and doubled it. And I said, we can’t do this. Oh yeah. I checked her stock, it’s all I said, no, we cannot do this. I don’t think there’s anything else I could have done. Other than hit the lobby on the button. What was I gonna do?
And it really went south and I was embarrassed. And I just I never wanna be in that position again. I don’t know what I could have done to prevent it, but that one was really bad. Yeah. Yeah. Because it’s hurtful, it’s disrespectful. It’s egotistical. It’s, you can always, I can, we can always come back.
Literal do, we can always go back. Yeah. But it was, I’m gonna hit this benchmark and today, and it didn’t happen.
RHEA 23:29
We all saw the giving u s A numbers where we saw individual gifts are down, and yet we know that there’s so much wealth out there.
And yes, in my mind, that points to the fact that as a sector we do not do a great job of retention and we don’t do a good job of leading people down a path to, help them manifest their philanthropic hopes and dreams. And so it. The ask comes after a very sort of insightful and thoughtful cultivation process.
Can you speak a little bit about that or retention rates? Because I just think the ask feels like the bow on the gift, but you have gone through a pro, like you can’t just go out willy-nilly and ask people for money without any kind of relationship.
LAURA 24:11
Let’s go to the giving u s A.
First of all, for heaven’s sakes, $499 billion is something to celebrate. And I have a thing about the Chronicle. Yes, it went down adjusted for inflation, but that bottom line number went up, right? And so everyone’s thinking, giving went down. So we went from, what was it? 457 billion didn’t go down. It went up four nine.
Nine. I think we don’t celebrate ourselves enough. So that made me quite angry. By the way, Chronicle people listening, celebrate, that’s all I can say. True facts, individual giving, but it’s skewed because that giving of, I think it was 67% by individuals, but you also have to add in bequest. A lot of people at the top making very large gifts and we need to look at that.
To your point, where is the rest? Where’s the middle? Where’s the bottom? Who’s gonna, right? Number one. Number two is we went Mackenzie Scott Crazy. I. Because we all took a look at there’s billions here, a hundred thousand. Here’s six figures there. And all we did was look for the top. Look for the top.
Look for the top. And we all know that’s fine, but you also have to do the middle to become the top. And then the people beginning to become the middle. I did this when we were with the Humane Society, which I love. I was with Tony Conden, my favorite fundraisers, and she had a title when I came to help them call Emerging Major Gift Officer.
And I love that title. I. Because it spells it out emerging, right? So let’s encourage people to go from here to here. But when you have that title in your job, it’s to move people up and then you need someone to replenish the supply of those. You’re moving up. This is fundraising 1 0 1. It’s no different than when I entered the field, 1991, but we’re getting skewed at the top. If giving u s a stats didn’t show that, then we’re not paying attention. So retention is vital, but also new donor acquisition is just as important because I just see us still, you know this with your clients and the coaching that you do. We’re so concentrated on the people in front of us, how are we expanding it?
Who knew Were we inviting? And this is where your board can be instrumental. Don’t do this once a year in a training. It has to be part of your every month, every quarter agenda. Who did you talk to? How can my staff follow up? Yeah, very simple.
RHEA 26:36
Let’s talk about Mackenzie Scott for a second, because I do think the thing that is, I call it like nonprofit lottery, like you want, it’s true.
And everybody’s so psyched about it because it’s just like money that dropped out of the sky and to my mind, look, I’m not gonna say no to a million dollars. It drops into my lap, but it’s not sustainable money and there’s no way to cultivate her. There’s no way to steward her. There’s no way to have an ongoing relationship with her.
So talk to me about. What happens when you have these very big gifts that may be a onetime gift. And what we know is wealthy people also have infrastructure in place to keep in arm’s length, to keep themselves shielded. So how do you advise people in that regard?
LAURA 27:18
I saw this years ago.
I was in North Carolina, and I think because of hurricanes that have happened, the state decided to have like state grants, large grants for all the nonprofits in the certain area that kept getting puled with whatever. And I saw more groups do the thing that no one should do. You ramped up your programs and they literally shut down within a year or two.
First of all, if you have to be prepared, if a large gift comes, but also have agreement on your board, at least 30% of whatever you get is going into your endowment, your stability fund. Have that agreement upfront. ’cause so many people are like if we have this and it’s all good, that’s number one.
Number two is whatever falls in your lap, is it part of your strategic plan? And why don’t we just fund what you have already set out to do. Okay. There can always be reserves that you can pull the, but everybody’s and I, it’s a blessing and a curse. It’s like winning the lottery. How many families do you know?
Blew apart because they got a big win. Everyone spent the money and they turned around. It’s like now we have nothing. Okay. I’m thinking nonprofits a little bit better at it. It also makes me feel sad in a way that you feel like it’s the have and have nots. What about the groups that didn’t get funded by Mackenzie Scott, how are they feeling?
And I’m gonna tell you, a lot of staff are feeling pressured of who did they know? Who can we connect? And you’re spending all this time now, it could be valuable to an event, but then you gotta cut it off. And look what’s right in front of you and work towards your own goals. So I think her philanthropy is outstanding.
I know I think Bridgespan was the one that really vetted these groups and good for them. But I really hope that they use it in the right way and at least 30% has gotta be in their endowment.
RHEA 29:07
How do we ask in a way that encourages trust? At the end of the day, trust is the currency. If I don’t trust you, we’re not gonna do business. if I don’t trust you, I’m not gonna give you a gift, right? And so often I think when we get into this transactional mindset of I’m gonna ask, I’m gonna get it, I’m gonna move on.
what do we do to make sure that not only the ask feels good for the person being asked, but that it sets the table for an ongoing trustful relationship.
LAURA 29:32
No, and trust. Before you ask anyone, they have to know and trust you, and you would need to gauge that. The second is, and I’ve discovered this really pretty recently, The warmth in your tone, the presence of your style will invite the person to want to do what you’re gonna ask.
But you’ve gotta get that right. You can’t overdo it, underdo it, become somebody else. Whatever the warmth that you pull through will bring the person in. Okay. The genuineness and I, it can’t lose the genuineness. It cannot, as you say, be transactional. And the last point is honesty wins the day. What I’m gonna say is, at any moment in time do you truly know the person you’re about to ask for money?
Has that money answer? No. You don’t know it. I don’t know it. Nobody knows it. So use honesty. Look, sometimes I say we have no idea. If you can do this, but what we do know is when you do it, this is going to happen. How do you feel about that? I did something sneaky. Two sentences in a question. That’s my ask formula.
But look at that, how simple it is. I’m honest, I’m warm, I’m genuine. You are just, we have no idea, but we do know this. And like the person’s I’ll see what I can do. I can’t do that now. And but now we’re talking. It’s easy as that it, it sounds easier than it is, and it is that easy when you believe that what the person’s about to do is gonna make their world.
RHEA 31:07
I talk a lot about everyone’s the hero of their own story, so how do you help them be the hero? How do you help them tell the story that they tell themselves at night about the kind of person that they are and the kinds of things that they do? I, again, I’m gonna underscore this ’cause a bit of a pet peeve.
People think that wealth screens are the whole big grail. Stop it with the, I think it’s a data points Wait minute. I’m gonna take a nose dive. Yeah.
it drives me crazy when they’re like we ran wealth screen on all these people and we know how much they have. I’m like, are they talking to you?
Do they want to be engaged with you? Do they care about your cause? Oh, you don’t know. So the only thing you know is that this algorithm told you that they have this amount of money, which by the way, to your point, you don’t know if little Bobby is off to college, like you don’t know if they’re, house rich cash, like you don’t know. And why would we ever presume to know someone else’s situation?
LAURA 32:01
I always say, first of all, I think wealth screens are a good start to give you some parameter of what could be. That’s it. Second is take real estate out who’s ever doing your screening. Don’t even put it in as a factor ’cause it skews too much.
No one is gonna sell their wonderful home in the Hamptons because you know you have Humane Society. Okay. They’re just not gonna do it. What I think wealth screenings are best for, and we love prospect researchers, is just to see how much they’ve given to other groups. And if you don’t fit in any of those mission groups, you’ve got more work to do.
You’ve got a lot more work to do, not just the level they’ve given, but if they’ve never, ever given to a women’s battered shelter, but they’ve given to maybe Planned Parenthood. Okay. Could be, but it might not be the exact same thing that their feel, their heart drives them to give.
RHEA 32:57
Okay. Last couple of questions for me ’cause I know we gotta let you go. I could talk to you for hours. Here’s the killer that I think a lot of people run into, and you’ve alluded to this, but when I do an ask, when I get the, maybe the, I. I have to talk to my financial advisor. I have to talk to my spouse, like whatever it is. A lot of times the Inexpert fundraiser will back away.
LAURA 33:22
Number one, body language has to say to them, you heard?
Yes. Problem is you tank, you look down, you look disappointed. You look like, oh, another one of these, right? Physically, you’ve now shown the person you’ve shut down. So when you hear any of those in any iteration of it say, yes, she is going to do this, I’ve gotta make it happen. So again, we could say what are they thinking about?
It is the most important piece of it. The piece you say is, I’m here to help you. ’cause they ask as in blurted out, step back, what’s gonna stick and where do I go from here? Which a lot of asks are as so bring them around. I always say the ask as a group hug, bring them in. And the way you bring ’em is I’m here to help you.
Share with me more. What are you thinking about? And they will tell you, I have never had a person say that’s personal to me, and right now I’m not feeling too good about it, so I’m not gonna tell you. Doesn’t work. Doesn’t work. They will tell you. And so you have to sit there and say, okay, and listen. If you’re gonna talk to financial advisor, honey, you’re 90% there. They wanna figure out how do I shift things around, give it to you and still make me happy. Okay. That’s 90% a yes or have to talk to family members. Great. So it’s a philanthropy family decision. Fantastic. Look like they said. Yes.
RHEA 34:50
That’s such a good tip. All right, last question from me. What is the role of intentionality? Because I feel like it goes to the scarcity mindset of, when I see fundraisers get. Transactional extractive. It’s because they’re in that scarcity of, I gotta close this gift.
It’s so antithetical too, with the being present and being generous with your energy. I’m here, Laura, I’m here to help you do the thing. How can I help you? If in the back of my mind I’m like, oh God. Oh God, if I don’t close this, like my job is on the line.
LAURA 35:18
Yeah, I’ve been there too. And you’ve been there too. I’ve been there where it’s I wanna be genuine. I really like my job. This is a nice person. Oh my gosh. If I don’t do it, then I’ve gotta make 50 more phone calls and you look like you’re physically split.
This is terrible. One of the things to the bosses out there, let’s encourage good asking, this is what we do. And I did this when I supervise people at. Temple and supervised people at Pace University. I gave just as much credit when they asked as when they talked to the person. So if your job is to see 15 people or make 15 asks if you tried to ask, you got credit.
When we all decided it was the right time, the right amount on, you got credit. Now on the boss’s side, I would sit there and say, What did they say? What did you say? Let’s make refinements because we are there to nurture them and make them the best they can. Without those two steps, you’re just a goalpost.
Seriously. Did the ball go through or not? You are a goalpost and people are gonna see it. So anyone supervising anyone out there who needs to ask for money, give them credit. For making what I call the assist, the ask, walk through them every single word. ’cause every word in there matters. And even if they said no, then you could say to your example, Kristen, how about if we call them together and thank them just for their time? And you know what? And I use this, life is long. We’ll circle back. We just really appreciate you gave us the time. Watch what happens. They come to you.
RHEA 36:54
I love that so much. Laura, is there anything that I haven’t asked about that you think it’s important for folks to know about either this new book or asking in journal?
LAURA 37:04
I highly encourage you and everyone to get the book, it’s a, $20, it’s a slight read. It’s jam packed with stuff. The ask you do for your nonprofit job is the ask you’ll do in your personal relationship, in your connection to spirituality for a doctor that you need more advice from a friend.
You learned loaned money and they didn’t give it back. We have made this seamless, so just remember that the ask that you do for work is the ask that you’ll do everywhere. And you will have so much more energy in life. That’s the first thing. And the second thing, which I have to share with you when you’re the first podcast to hear this is resonating with teens.
Teens. I was just on a podcast with teens. Wanna know? Phenomenal. You’ll look it up. These teams are like human sponges. You can’t assume, oh, they’re gonna live through life and then when they get a job 20 and 30, they’re gonna need this. They need it now. You know in the book is, how do I stop being bullied?
They need life skills because their life was on hold for three years. So this is ageless. So I would just say even if you have some children, you want to give it to ’em, give it to grandchildren, give it to them. It is shocking and I’m so happy that it’s resonating with young people.
RHEA 38:26
Funny thing, I don’t know if you know this, I spent the winter semester at my old high school teaching a class in social entrepreneurship, and I taught them, two sentences. One question and a question.
LAURA 38:37
Yeah. How did they like it? How did they respond?
RHEA 38:38
They loved it. They were like, oh, I’m gonna use this on everyone. I was like, use this power responsibly.
LAURA 38:46
: Oh, I love that you went to your high school.
That is great. That’s, no really, it, it just it surprised me and then I thought, I am like the happiest person. I am, the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life. I can honestly say that.
RHEA 39:00
Oh, I’m so glad. Laura, always so fun. I will make sure that all of your information, it’s in the show notes, including a link to your very excellent book.
Everybody should buy $20. Please. It’s a fraction of what you will get a value from this book. So Laura, thank you for all that you do. Thanks for being a guest on the show. Again,
LAURA 39:18
thank you for being my friend.
RHEA 39:20
We’ll have a cheesecake on the lanai when I see you next.
LAURA 39:22
Ooh, sounds good. Thank you for, I really appreciate it.
RHEA 39:25
I appreciate you being here. Thanks so much. Bye-Bye.
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